Doing The Right Thing Is Often The Hardest Thing - Lessons we can learn from our kids

 

This edition is from Vicky who often shares her very personal journal and thoughts around wellbeing and living with that.

 

For this edition Vicky shares her thoughts on moving to Hull, from Hertfordshire.  Her thoughts on change and how she has learnt so much from watching her children during this change in their lives.

 

We are proud to say that Vicky now runs our regional office in Hull and is now our social media and digital marketing lead as well as being my personal admin assistant and parenting programme co-ordinator.

 

knew at some point the change would come because it had to, we needed it to.  I was in a one bedroom ground floor flat on a busy main road raising two small human beings who were growing at a rate of knots. 

 

 My long suffering partner who worked away all week would come home to us every weekend and sleep next to me on a make shift bed on the living room floor!  We wanted a real home of our own, somewhere to put our stamp on things, somewhere to grow our family, a baby of our own eventually if we are lucky enough and a garden where we can plant vegetables and sit out in when we see some sunshine.  Ahh Bliss!

 

Fast forward many months and here I am.  In my new house on a small off road green in a large village. We have plenty more space, a garden, kids are happy and meeting people and enjoying school life.  It’s wonderful! 

 

 I spent lots of my time prior to moving worrying about the children. 

  • Am I doing the very best I can for them? 

  • Am I being fair, expecting my eldest to start at a brand new school? 

  • Will my youngest struggle to start school in place where she knows nobody? 

  • Will they love the house? 

  • Will they sleep well? 

  • Will they settle?

However, It’s me, “Mum” who is having a small personal struggle with the change.

 

The answer to all the above so far is 'Yes Mummy, we've got this'. They seem to be thriving and I am so proud of them both.  It's a big ask at any age - even 34 apparently! 

 

In the lead up to leaving, I just pushed through it all.  I packed boxes, cleaned and tidied, drove the 100 odd miles back and forth getting all our stuff here and then drove back to finalise things down South all the space of two days.  I said goodbye to some people and 'see you soon' to others.  I hugged and cried

 

and dried my eyes and got in the car and moved.  That was pretty much how it was in the end - it all seemed to happen in a flash and I didn't really worry about how I would deal with it, I just got on with it.

 

I think for parents that's a bit of a trait.  We do tend to focus more on the children, making sure they are happy and secure in our love and not terrified of change and overwhelmed by all the newness of it all.  And somewhere in amongst all that is us, or in this case, me. 

 

Two weeks in and I think I am finally giving myself permission to admit that I have some work to do. The getting here bit was the easy part really.  Seeing my kids into school last week I felt in awe.  My 6 year old son hugged me tight and gave me a little backward glance and followed his new teacher into a room full of strangers and quite honestly, I was totally consumed with love and admiration for him.  I sent my littlest into school for the very first time with her plaits in her hair and those shiny patent shoes gleaming - we had a few tears at the door but she rallied round.  I cried all the way home.

 

I think we under estimate the importance of support networks, particularly through any change and so with this in mind I realized, looking around at everyone chatting that morning  that I don't have “Mummy” friends in the playground. 

  • I also can't always remember the teaching assistant's name. 

  • I make the walk back from school on my own. 

  • I can hear them all out in the school playground from my garden and I find myself listening with a lump in my throat. 

  • I have to use  'Googlemaps' almost every journey I make out of the village. 

  • Being a “Southerner” I sound different.

  • I'm starting a new job and learning the ropes. 

I am the new girl.  A fully fledged adult having only ever known one other county as home before now.  

 

I spoke to my oldest (and very wise) Bestie tonight and that felt a lot like coming home in itself.  Home actually isn't always a place for me, more a feeling.  Having put the world to rights a bit and got myself a little Sunday night pep talk I realised I must be patient, get off my own case a bit.  I have lots more years and lots more experiences on my children.  It stands to reason then that I have more to associate the word 'home' with. 

 

Right now, I miss the feeling of familiarity I had back up South, I miss the feeling of belonging and recognition.  I feel quite far away from those I left behind in the physical that I love very much.  I don't know what I expected - perhaps I thought I would land here and immediately feel an affinity with the place and the people, proving to myself straight off that I made the right decision and that of course I did the right thing! 

 

The reality is that I spent most of my life to date creating those associations and relationships with people and places down South. I also know in my heart that I bought all those people with me, all that love, all the learning and all the laughter.  I'm lucky to have them, and to have them to miss.  Doing the right thing is very often the hardest thing but I need to have courage, believe in myself. It will be hard and I will face challenges but I know it will all be okay in time.  I will be okay.  

 

I can teach my children lots of things, but I can also learn plenty from them.  They have inspired me entirely to remain open and be fluid and to smile at strangers.  To talk to people, even if you do feel nervous or a little out of your depth.  To throw my arms wide to new experiences and new places.  To get on my bike (note to self, must buy a bike) and ride furiously towards...the future!

 

 

It's all part of the journey, my journey, with them.  If moving house has taught me one thing, it has taught me that you can do anything as long as you have 'your team'.  People that you love, and whom love you back and there are no geographic restrictions on love, trust me.

 

(P.S I still wouldn't mind someone to walk home with after the school run though - blimmin Billy no mates over here! Just saying!)

 

I’d love to hear how you felt about this and our other blogs – comment at the bottom and contact me via; 

 

  • sharon.lawton@natural-flair.com

  • tweet me: @sharonnatflair

  • follow me: facebook natural-flair-life-and-parent-coaching

 

 

 

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