This edition is from my lovely coach Vicky, many of you will know Vicky from the parent coaching groups we run here at Natural Flair.
This time she shares a very personal journey, and it feels with all the awareness raising around mental health that this is something that is absolutely from the heart................and definitely worth talking about - by the way the statue here is relevant as it's called "Fearless Girl"
I’m quite a fearful person. I didn’t give it much thought or consideration before I had my children but the direction my life has taken since they were born has made me acknowledge that about myself.
I can remember being very happy as a child when I was in my own space. In my home. I didn’t enjoy sleepovers much, and I can recall countless times when one or the other of my parents arrived on the doorstep at my cousin’s house bleary eyed at some unforgiving time of night to collect me simply because I wanted to be in my room, in my bed, close to home.
I never felt the overwhelming need to ‘fly the nest’ – I cried every night for 3 weeks when I bought my first place at 22 with my older sister. I never craved freedom – I liked boundaries, it was my security. My parents almost did too good a job!
For the most part, this brought me genuine contentment and I enjoyed the simplicity. But change made my life difficult!
Always change, always transition, always decisions, options and choices to be made.
I hated it – I craved consistency.
I didn’t enjoy decision making, I would rather say nothing than have to deal... had I become the world's worst ostrich?? Eventually life forced me to grow and some might even say ‘grow up’– I was raising two human beings and I was captain of our ship.
But I was terrified. Were my decisions, my movements, my choices the right ones? For them? For us?
I began to panic – a lot. I saw a GP on a regular basis for a number of months. This pain, that hurt, could they check me over, should I be worried...because I was worried. I was fearful – much of the time and it was taking over my life.
Help came in various forms. I took it all:
coffee with wonderful friends,
love, love and more love.
Eventually I managed to get a hold on it. But I’m not ‘cured’. I had (have – it's a work in progress!) chronic pain syndrome and some days I am fine and other days I literally have to coach myself out of horrendous thought processes about my physical self and health.
There are lots of catalysts for it and everyone is different – mine is rooted deeply in fear. The more stressed/anxious/fearful I get, the more cortisol gets released in my body which lowers my global sensitivity – I feel things in my body ten fold. Unless there is an intervention, the cycle perpetuates itself and on and on it goes.
I think I chose to write about this for two reasons.............
Firstly, there is lots out there in the media at the moment about mental health and the stigma attached to it. I have always been a very fortunate individual. Lovely family, great friends, life is plentiful and inspiring and I am only to aware how blessed I am. But I have lived a little and those experiences have shaped me in ways I never envisaged for myself. I am complex and I am human – we all are.
The second reason is that I had an experience just the other day with my four year old daughter that gave me such a surge of hope, I had to write it down.
We were dog walking, she was riding her bike (pink, covered in princesses, tassles...you know the type of monstrosity I mean! Haha!)
She huffed and puffed her way around the block – I intervened with the odd push or motivational word in her ear, but she was struggling. Then we hit a very flat stretch on route home and her whole demeanor changed.
She got low over the handle bars and her little legs were pumping away furiously. She was completely free in that moment, hair flailing out behind her, all caution thrown to the wind, pedals whirring, head long into who knew what? Fearless.
My beautiful baby. She is part of me and even more blessed am I to be part of her. I promised myself in that moment that from now on I wouldn’t resist as much.
Sometimes fear drives us forward. Into the next phase................the next chapter........... the next experience.
I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry when I caught her up (eventually!) I kissed her full rosy cheeks, so lifted in the hugest smile that her peepers were almost completely shut and told her ‘You did it!’ and we did a little jig together in the drive way.
Change is inevitable but it's how you choose to navigate it that counts. I don’t want to skirt around it and avoid it all my life long. I want to take the plunge, risk it for a biscuit, dare to dream!
We are all fearful sometimes. But sometimes what waits on the other side of that feeling for us is worth pushing through for. I want my children to be able to say ‘Mum? Afraid? Yeah, she was scared at times...but she did it anyway!’ Thanks anyway fear – I choose learning.
If you've been touched by Vicky's story I'd love to hear from you, – contact me via the info below:
and so until our next edition, what will you push through for?
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